I've figured out something

I'm kinda bored right now.
Couldn't get a clue of how to start my revision.
Having stacks of papers on the table,
but what might come out probably is application questions.
How to prepare for the test?
I hope I can pass.Haha..
Would it really help if I stop having those thoughts?
Hmm..And I have to persuade myself with a proper reason huh.
I just want to lead a simple and peaceful life.
As the saying goes,
simplicity is a bliss.
I wouldn't like to think so much and ask for troubles either.
Don't think, then won't have so much to worry about?
I wonder who I am really.
Sometimes I'm not strong enough,
too weak to face up to the fact.
Sometimes when there are all strangers around me,
I tend to be a bit cold and indifferent.
I see no reason to smile at them.
It's hard to fake a smile on my face.
So hard that I rather to be expressionless.
Being indifferent is just a protection?
Like the animals that having their habit to camouflage.
Just to protect myself to be hurt by people.
What do people think of me actually?
A quiet and introvert girl?
Only know how to study but not enjoying life?
Only the people who really know me well
would realise that I'm actually not.
Maybe I don't talk much.
Well, it's true.
I only have more common topics with those
who have similar characters like me.
I'm not sociable.
But I'll try to find something to chat
so that people will be more comfortable by my side.
Because I can't stand the 'cold atmosphere' either.
Haha!
I admit that in the past I only kept studying and studying.
Might be oblivious to the surrounding.
But I've changed..
gradually since a year ago.
And the reason is?
Because of the dissapointment.
Looking at the result slip..
My GPA was being pulled down so much
because of the grade C I scored for Music.
Well, I'm not the kind who mind about results that much.
Just that this GPA directly affected my chance of entering U.
Also, because I couldn't transfer the course.
I lost my goal of studying.
I lost the aim of my life as well.
If I really couldn't enter U,
means I have to work right after graduated
at the age of 21.
My biggest hope is to continue my tertiary education.
Can't step my foot into U,
means I'm defeated.
I lost to a lot of people.
Sigh..I'm diffident.
I should live for myself right?
I'm trying to find the aim of my life
even though I might be a failure on studies.
I must tell myself it'd be achieved some day,
wouldn't it?
And it's great!
I'm doing my best
to change my mindset.
I hope tomorrow will still be a great day for me=)