Love

I'm just back from Tea Garden.
It seems I've caught a flu.
Keep sneezing since two days ago.
Daren't eat fried food or buy cold drinks.
So I simply asked for a cup of hot soya bean just now.
Erm, yesterday was an uneventful day.
Same for today.
Not much new thoughts.
Hence, there's not much for me to write about.
The reason that I write blog is because
I'd like to answer for myself.
Or rather for my life.

There's another former classmate
getting into relationship.
Love is so weird?
Quite a few pairs of couple that I've seen
are kinda out of my anticipation.
And he's still single?
Hoho..
But some people told me that
what I felt for the guys before
was simply admiration.
Maybe..
I don't know how to define
like..
infatuation..
affection..
admiration..
and love.
Basically when they are giving me
cold shoulders,
I'll be giving up soon.
So I never get my hopes up.
Because the guys that I'm able to set my eyes on
are usually cold and indifferent.
Perhaps it's because I love to know more about
human nature.
That's why the more indifferent the person,
the more curious I feel about him.
Yet the outcome is usually that
they're not willing to open their heart to me.
And yeah,
just like what my former classmate said,
the person must have some speciality or talent
that's able to attract my attention.
And now?
I don't feel for anyone.
Maybe there's..
but just no spark in between he and me.
At least he's a kind-hearted and considerate person.
Easier to get along.
But I believe I'm not his cup of tea.
I still can't draw a conclusion
on what love is.
Don't know which day it'll come.

Human

My sister told me I'm an icy cold person.
Yeah, I wouldn't speak if I don't feel like speaking
at that moment.
I also can't be bothered to answer.
Ever since I heeded his advice,
I've straightened it out.
I don't know how much his words value to me.
I also never expected myself to be able
to accept everything he said
without disagreement.
I think I have lesser troubles now.
But the thing is
I'm getting more and more indifferent.
Getting numb?
Or getting used to it?
Don't know which is the correct state I'm in.
Don't know whether it's a good thing.
It seems I've shut my world down.
I just disregard all my troubles completely.
Basically I'm lazy to use my precious time
to think about them.
I don't even care much about the people
that I used to show my concern.
But it seems to be everyone..
Haha!
I think I still need some time
to adjust to it.
Because I'm a typical Leo
which used to have a lot of changes in their lives.
You wouldn't know how fickle Leo can be.
Haha..
But I'm not indecisive.
You can't doubt how short it takes for me
to make a decision.
Of course,
it doesn't mean I just decide hastily.
Once I've made up my mind,
I seldom make any changes to it.

My friend said I don't simply listen to people
if I don't really care about them.
Well, somehow it's true.
The friends that I truly care about
can be counted with ten fingers.
I'm lazy to categorise the friends I have now.
But still the difference is distinct.
To me,
classmates or colleagues are not necessarily 
my friends.
Each time when people tell me
they dislike someone,
and sometimes ask me
what do I think about those people they dislike,
I actually have not much feelings about it.
I'm not a sacred man.
Surely there are moments that I don't agree
to their attitude.
I mean those that have been 'labelled'
by most of the people.
I might comment on it sometimes.
But actually I have no hard feelings towards them.
Do you realise if you detest someone
it also shows that the person means to you?
It's undeniable that the person carries certain
weight in your heart.
Just that the person is at the opposite end
of the likeable people to you.
In this case,
why takes so much effort to detest someone?
I just don't get it.
As long as the person didn't offend or hurt me,
I can still accept his or her presence in my life.
Anyway I still prefer to stay away from the people
that had hurt me before.

I have to do the cooking now.
End it right here.

A Shopping Spree

I realised something.
If you wouldn't like to know,
it's better that you don't ask.
If you can't face it,
the only thing you can do probably is to disregard.
I believe in this way
I can live my life more happily.
Since I'm unable to alter the truth,
I also can't be bothered.

Yesterday I went to Sutera Mall
with my family and also a friend.
I was so excited that
I found a pair of shoes there.
Woohoo~
What my sister and I have bought
were of the same design.
Before we fell asleep,
we were talking about our same taste.
Indeed.
But my wearing style is greatly
influenced by my cousins.
Each time during CNY,
the dresses they all wear are very nice ones.
I believe that's why I dare wear sleeveless shirts.
Because I was 'exposed' to it since I was young.
This style is strongly instilled in my mind.
But my sister's is influenced by mine as well.
Haha..
Normally her actions or the choices she made
won't differ much from mine .
But as I grew up,
the world is getting more and more complicated.
The trend of criminal activities..
I have to protect myself,
so the best way is don't wear too little.
Haha!
That's also why usually only my family
see me wearing sleeveless dresses.
My classmates also never wear so nicely to school.
As in just simple clothing.
See, I also have to wear more tees.
So that I'm not the only alien in my class?
Don't know what term should I use.

I was the fashion consultant for my friend again.
She bought the same dress as mine.
And she said one day we shall wear them together.
Because it'd be interesting?
Haha!
No idea.
People always say..
we should try out more styles when we are still young?
Haha..
I like the dresses that I bought so much.
In fact I still like dresses more.
Just that acccording to the schedule,
I have practical sessions in the first four weekdays.
Basically there's no need to wear so nicely to school.

My stomach is rumbling.
Haven't eaten breakfast.
All right,
I shall end it here for today.

Let Go

It takes a lot of effort to overcome certain things
if you really care about someone.
But he said just let it flow?
Since I can't block those thoughts,
all I can do is ignoring them.
I'm having holidays,
so my life now is sort of stress-free.
I can fall asleep faster, comparing
to the last time.
But of course,
I have to try my best not to mind about
those stuff.
Just get rid of all the unwanted thoughts
before sleeping.
Sometimes indifference is a good thing.
Your mood won't be affected by all the happenings.
Your sleep won't be disrupted by all the trivialities.
Anyway I'm still doing my best to balance between both.

Talking about friends,
who are the ones more important to me?
I found that I can get along more naturally
with certain people,
even though not much contact usually.
At least I know what to say.
Because basically I can talk about more topics
or anything with them.
Why is there such a big difference compared
to former classmates?
They were those who studied with me
in the same class or school.
But the others weren't even by my side
during primary or secondary school.
I feel kind of uneasy to attend
this kind of gathering.
Just sitting there and listening to what people say.
More of it is that I have to put up a front.
Anyway I'm sort of a failure on communications.

Yesterday I felt like contacting a friend.
Sigh..As what I expected,
he didn't know who I'm.
I gave him a second chance by sending another
message using my Digi number.
Erm, the outcome was the same.
He still couldn't figure out who I'm
although I did tell him my number on Fb before.
I was thinking whether his innocence is real.
He keeps losing his phones and contacts.
Who's the blurrer one?
He or me?
Haha..
Anyway I didn't want to reply again at first.
He didn't even look me up after so long.
See, he got girlfriend then totally forgot about
my presence.
In the end I replied him because I was bored
when the drama just started.
Haha!
Anyway the Mongolian girl is not his
official girlfriend yet.
But still I sent my warmest blessings to them.
I hope they will treasure each other.
Oh yeah..A BP friend sent me a Christmas message as well.
It's good to be remembered by someone.
Haha!
But she's the only contact in BP that I still keep.

An Enjoyable Experience

It's been a few days that
I didn't write blog.
2 days ago,
I had an enjoyable trip.
I never really like to participate
in class outings.
I thought this time round it'd just be the same.
Same in a way that it's wasting time and boring.
But it wasn't. Why?
Because I went together with a
primary school friend.
She wasn't the original partner that
I planned to bring along.
I thought of not wasting another friend's time.
So I changed my mind.
Surprisingly I reached school on time.
The food was superb!
Because we don't always get a chance
to taste them.
Got pasta, turkey, ham, potato plus chicken,
pie, bread pudding and drink.
Apparently my friend enjoyed the meal a lot.
Haha..
She likes the potato and bread pudding.
Not just her, because I also never expected
that bread can be used to make pudding.
Also, it was my first time to try the turkey.
Actually it has not much difference from
the chicken meat.

We played two games there.
Again, surprisingly that I was willing to
be the 'clown'.
Haha!
Because I never like to be manipulated
by people.
My classmates dolled me up as
a Christmas tree.
What inspired them?
It was the Christmas tree that my teacher brought.
Haha!
My friend was assigned as the judge by my teacher.
The prize went to a guy who was really
the most attractive one among four contestants.
And I was the winner for the second game.
Haha..I never expected but I was
the only 'survivor' in the end.
The prize was a package of branded chocolate.
Thanks to my teacher~
And my Christmas present was chocolate as well.
I shared the chocolates with my friends and family.

After the Christmas party,
I brought my friend to Bugis Street.
It's a shopping paradise to me.
Haha!
Is the description a bit exaggerating?
I bought two dresses there.
She also has a high judgement on clothes.
I decided to heed her advice
to try out the other designs.
Haha..

Yesterday, I drove a friend to Tesco.
We two bought a necklace each
for ourselves.
I was quite delighted to found
a nice necklace at the usual stall I hang out.
It was a necklace that my sister
wanted to buy last time.
With a fish design.
Hehe..But now I'm the owner for it.
Just that the necklace there
get to turn dull over time.
Not pure silver.
I also bought five masks at the same stall.
Got promotion again.
Aha..Now I have nine masks with me.
Better keep them in the fridge
since I'm not going to finish using all
that soon.
Oh yeah..Last Sunday I bought a ring also.
Haha!
Just that it's a bit loose for all my fingers.
Because I have to accomodate my sister.
We're sharing the same ring.
I still like driving
though I haven't got the chance to drive
further to JB yet.
Haha..

I bought two tees and a package of scones
for my friend who was a Christmas baby.
Luckily she likes all the shirts.
Of course!
My taste is quite good.
What could be the reason that
she doesn't like them?
Haha!
I shopped with her to buy jeans,
formal pants and shoes.
Upon my suggestion,
she bought a pair of jeans.
Erm, I don't know why
but I try to ignore the feelings
that I mind about certain things.
I can sleep better recently.
Just that I was going out these two days.
Can't really get to sleep sound.
Maybe it's that I tend to recall things
before sleeping.

Alright,I shall end it here today.
Now's holiday time.
Don't get much idea on what to write.

Angel

A normal schedule of my daily life
has been resumed since yesterday.
I helped out in the morning.
Started to read my sister's romance series.
I enjoy reading the novels so much.
The female lead is an innocent and simple-minded girl.
I always wish that my mind can be that pure.
But it's impossible because the real world is
full of good and evil people.
Even if you don't wish to hurt anyone,
it doesn't mean people cause you no harm?
Haha!
Drama always goes that way.
Teaching us so many values.
Can't be too trusting?
But I tend to be a bit too trusting.
Though I do protect myself from getting near
to any strangers.
What I meant is I trust the people that
I'm familiar with so much.
Just hope those dramatic scenes that
betrayal happens would never
befallen me.
I don't want to think so much.
Don't want to probe so much further into a problem.
Don't want to pull a long face.
A lifestlye with worries-free..
I'd love it!
Anyway dream is dream.
Some dreams just couldn't be realised
no matter how hard you try?
Alright,
my mind should get a good rest now.

2-day Travelling

Woohoo..I'm having my 2-week term break now.
I still feel tired.
2 days ago, I went to Sentosa with my sister.
Well, the place there is large.
Got a lot of plants at Imbiah Lookout.
A greenish environment.
Well, it's mostly about history,
view of Singapore at a certain height,
and some thrilling activities.
Just that we weren't the type who
dared try that out.
We only went to Palawan Beach.
The seawater seemed quite clean.
I saw people having picnic there,
frolicking in the sea,
playing balls at the beach.
But the sea was calm.
I always hear the sound of waves
pushing off the shores at Desaru.
Oh yeah..It took some time to wait for
beach trams in order to travel between
one spot and another at the beaches.
My sister had just been to Sentosa few months ago.
So I didn't have the right companion with me
to enter Underworld Water & Dolphin Lagoon
and Universal Studios.
Maybe next time I shall ask my Foon Yew old friend
to go along.

3 hours later,
we made a move to City Hall and had a lunch there.
Didn't expect we only spent so few hours at Sentosa,
so I brought my sister to Orchard at 2pm plus.
But it was still daytime.
All the lightings had not being lighted up yet.
In this case we went to Bugis first.
Cut our travelling plan short because
originally I only planned to walk around Bugis
the next day.
There are lots of cheap goods at Bugis Street.
Even so the quality of shirts seems okay.
I bought 6 shirts and dresses there
for my mum, sis and I myself.
Haha!
I don't really like shopping.
But I'd love to buy clothes and women accessories very much.
After that we went to Orchard again.
Since the purpose of my sis coming here was
to watch the decorations along the road,
I better did my best to fulfil her wishes
although my legs were aching as well.
Anyway there was not much difference
between the first and second times.
So we called it a day and got home at 8pm.

Yesterday we left Tampines at 10.20am
and reached City Square at 1.30pm.
Having a meal at KFC.
Walking around CS until 5.10pm!
It wasn't that there's so much to shop for at CS.
But my two brothers wanted to come
as it had been a very long time
since last time they went.
They weren't familiar with that shopping mall.
So we had to bring them around,
carrying so many stuff==
We reached Kulai at 6.10pm.
My cousin's baby was having her full month birthday.
So we had our dinner there.
Aha..Walking around for 2 whole days
wasn't an easy job.
Especially when we need to stand on MRT,
walk to bus interchange,
walk around the malls,
and walk home.
I've almost been to all the shopping malls
which are located near to MRT station.
Wonder where shall I pay a visit next time.

Alright,
that was all I done in the past 2 days.
I need to go sleep again later.
End it here.

A Sleepless Night

Morning,again.
My sleep is just disturbed by my roommate's sneezing.
She felt cold and got up to turn off the fan.
So naturally I was awaken by her stepping on my bed as well.
And the time was 2.45am!
Sigh..Not that I'm not sleepy
but I really couldn't fall asleep again.
Therefore I got out from my bed blearily at 5.30am.
I'm now using laptop in the living room.

It really was a tiring journey to
travel back and forth between JB and Tampines.
Never mind.
I shall enjoy my 2 days here walking around Singapore
with my dear sister.

I think it's worth jotting down every single thing
that can generate my laughter.
No matter how minor and unimportant it is.
Isn't it?
Because the smile is truly coming out
from the bottom of my heart.
It's genuine.
No pretense.
No hypocrisy.
And do u know where did this theory come from?
I saw a kite hanging on the lamp post
when the bus was making its move
towards Woodlands Bus Interchange.
It wasn't just a normal kite.
But it was a kite with a smiling face.
Haha!
It was funny to me.

The two-way journey took up about 5 hours.
I was completely whacked.
And I didn't even get a good sleep huh.
I'm planning to walk around
Sentosa, Orchard and Cityhall maybe.
This time round
I hope I'll be able to capture some breathtaking sceneries.
Couldn't log in Fb since last night until now.
Saw from Google news that
quite some people are also facing this problem.
I'm gonna wash up myself now.

I've figured out something

I'm kinda bored right now.
Couldn't get a clue of how to start my revision.
Having stacks of papers on the table,
but what might come out probably is application questions.
How to prepare for the test?
I hope I can pass.Haha..
Would it really help if I stop having those thoughts?
Hmm..And I have to persuade myself with a proper reason huh.
I just want to lead a simple and peaceful life.
As the saying goes,
simplicity is a bliss.
I wouldn't like to think so much and ask for troubles either.
Don't think, then won't have so much to worry about?
I wonder who I am really.
Sometimes I'm not strong enough,
too weak to face up to the fact.
Sometimes when there are all strangers around me,
I tend to be a bit cold and indifferent.
I see no reason to smile at them.
It's hard to fake a smile on my face.
So hard that I rather to be expressionless.
Being indifferent is just a protection?
Like the animals that having their habit to camouflage.
Just to protect myself to be hurt by people.
What do people think of me actually?
A quiet and introvert girl?
Only know how to study but not enjoying life?
Only the people who really know me well
would realise that I'm actually not.
Maybe I don't talk much.
Well, it's true.
I only have more common topics with those
who have similar characters like me.
I'm not sociable.
But I'll try to find something to chat
so that people will be more comfortable by my side.
Because I can't stand the 'cold atmosphere' either.
Haha!
I admit that in the past I only kept studying and studying.
Might be oblivious to the surrounding.
But I've changed..
gradually since a year ago.
And the reason is?
Because of the dissapointment.
Looking at the result slip..
My GPA was being pulled down so much
because of the grade C I scored for Music.
Well, I'm not the kind who mind about results that much.
Just that this GPA directly affected my chance of entering U.
Also, because I couldn't transfer the course.
I lost my goal of studying.
I lost the aim of my life as well.
If I really couldn't enter U,
means I have to work right after graduated
at the age of 21.
My biggest hope is to continue my tertiary education.
Can't step my foot into U,
means I'm defeated.
I lost to a lot of people.
Sigh..I'm diffident.
I should live for myself right?
I'm trying to find the aim of my life
even though I might be a failure on studies.
I must tell myself it'd be achieved some day,
wouldn't it?
And it's great!
I'm doing my best
to change my mindset.
I hope tomorrow will still be a great day for me=)

A refreshing morning

I was awake since 5.40am today.

As usual, I wont be able to sleep
longer than that.

Anyway my sleep quality seems to
have some improvement

owing to the new bed here.

Writing blogs..

I think I almost take it as
writing diaries.

My own diaries.

Blogs VS diaries..

Could they have the same meaning?

Anyway I think it's good to try.

So I'll be able to prove that I did
try my best to live well.

I hope I won't have much regrets
from now on?

Haha..
Like Elena,

she always starts off with 'Dear diary'.

But I don't intend to 'announce'
that I have a blogspot account.

Not saying to keep it to myself.

This's an open diary.

Anyone who's interested in knowing that

how I spend my day

is welcome to have a look here.

But I'd say my daily life is quite monotonous.

And now I'd like to take it as diary,

so it'll be even more boring?

Haha!

It's just for my own good.

I want to know what can make me depressed and

what can make me smile or laugh.

Maybe through this way,

I'll be able to know how should I lead my life in future.

 

 

I haven't got myself washed up

in this early morning.

Yesterday I really didn't revise much for ABC.

Morning,I was looking for games.

Afternoon,I was designing my blog here.

Evening,I was listening to songs.

Night time,I was playing Fb.

And right now,I'm writing blog!

Haha!

Because it's an open-book test.

Really can't anticipate what'd be coming out.

And we had not much practice.

So I suppose I just sit back and die?

Haha..

I was quite active on Fb these 2 days.

Why huh?

I just felt like posting them.

And didn't expect much response from others.

But it turned out the other way round.

Anyway,the person who I was talking to

was the same person.

Haha!

Never mind,

I had quite a great time last night.

I seem to be in a pretty good mood huh.

Perhaps it's that I roughly figured out something.

Learnt from a friend.

Haha..Thanks for his help.

Alright,I should go take a quick shower now

and start studying.

Later gonna fetch my sister.

Begin to change

I don't know what's the reason.
But I'm quite happy today.
What could be the reasons that caused
such a big change to my mood?
Well,probably is that I was relieved
when I heard from my mum.
So I don't have to worry so much
about the problem.
At least, for the time being.
And also I've got some guidance from a friend.
I wouldn't like to use the word 'advice'
because it seems more to be more helpful
rather than a piece of advice.
I try not to think so much further..
not to keep asking myself how to find my true self back.
Anyway is it really what i'd like to regain?
Means the one in the past wasn't really
the real inside of me?
Each time I look back,
I found that I don't like my doings.
I thought I was hurt deep inside before.
I realised I wasn't mature enough.
And I'd like to re-write my life journal.
But no turning back?
I thought I'd never like to cultivate a habit
to write diaries or blogs.
Because I have no enough patience
to maintain it for a long period of time.
But right now,
I begin to think that I should really get started.
Get started for living my life to the fullest.
Am I able to do it?
I always think that the reality won't allow me
to have much choices.
And eventually it's me who giving in.
I still don't think I'll have other better choices.
But I'd like to believe that
eventually everything will turn out all right.
Could it be realised some day?
I hope so.