Mingled Feelings

It's contradicting.
I think what I've done is way beyond what I should do.
It won't be reciprocated anyway.
Is it worth doing so?
I suppose it's not.
I'm repeating the mistake that
I made 3 years ago.
Treating people too nicely..
In the end the one who got hurt
is still me.
I'd like to be my old self.
The icy cold person..
Being oblivious to the surroundings.
Would never be upset or hurt by anything.
Never get my hopes up.
Then I'd never be disappointed.
Who am I?
Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.
I'm a human.
I've got feelings.
I do have times whereby I feel depressed
or I'm happy.
I will also cry,smile or laugh.
I'm envious of those who have high EQ.
When will I be able to learn how to
control my emotions well?
In a sense that my mood would never
be affected by any incidents.