A Blog Written in the Dim Light

Dim light?
The lamp got some problem.
Somewhere is spoilt.
I don't know about the electronics.
I guess it can only be repaired by tonight.
And it's still early morning.
The sunlight is not strong enough
to shine into this room.
I realised I'm frightened of the total darkness.
To most of the people,
I guess sleeping is much more natural
than anything else.
But to me,
sleeping is much more like a task.
Every night,
I have to try not to use my brain anymore further.
Not to recall the happenings of the day.
I need to keep persuading myself to fall asleep.
I'm a light sleeper.
And last night I was awaken for four times==
Either my sleep got disrupted by the noise or
I just awoke naturally.
I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL.
Sigh..
I doubt if I'm able to write an essay in Mandarin now.
It seems unlikely.
I rarely type in Chinese on Fb,MSN or in SMS.
Only when I send messages to my family members.
It's been quite a few years.
My speed will be a lot more slower if typing in Chinese.
I do read Chinese newspapers or romance novels.
My ability remains at secondary school level.
But in reality, it has been deteriorated.
I started to forget about many idioms and proverbs.
It's inevitable to insert some English words
when speaking in Mandarin.
Either I have to accommodate people
or I'm unable to translate it into Chinese.
But in fact, I'm not used to speak in two languages
at the same time.
It's more like tongue twisters to me.
I tend to hesitate for a few seconds
before answering in English.
I guess I'm still faster at answering in Mandarin.
It's the worst for Malay language.
I can no longer speak properly in Malay.
In M'sia, I only used Malay language
when talking to a Malay.
But now, the language that I use more frequently
is English.
Each time going back to M'sia,
the thing that I pray for is
I won't come across a Malay.
I really can't recall the Malay words
that I had ever learnt.
I'm envious of the translators.
It's difficult to manage two languages or more well.
I was grown in a trilingual environment.
Yet right now I can only deal with
one language.
For French?
I have no regrets for choosing French as my electives.
It's really tough.
No doubt about that.
And it'll pull down my GPA.
That's for sure.
Honestly speaking,
I don't know how to sit for the test this week.
I can hardly catch the words from a French dialogue.
I hope at least I can score a B for this module.