A Great News

I'm still sleepy at this moment.
Just crawled out blearily from my bed.
Thought of updating my blog
before a new day begins.
I've got to finish up French homework,
MBIO discussion and ABC draft by today.
I'm glad that a friend of mine got into
semi-final round.
Managed to get around 270 votes.
I don't always keep in touch
with my old friends.
But I was grateful that they were willing
to vote for him.
I believe that he'll be a budding or promising model.
Hopefully he'll outshine the other contestants.
I'm not gonna talk much about it here
because I mentioned quite some on Fb already.
Haha..The end.

Mingled Feelings

It's contradicting.
I think what I've done is way beyond what I should do.
It won't be reciprocated anyway.
Is it worth doing so?
I suppose it's not.
I'm repeating the mistake that
I made 3 years ago.
Treating people too nicely..
In the end the one who got hurt
is still me.
I'd like to be my old self.
The icy cold person..
Being oblivious to the surroundings.
Would never be upset or hurt by anything.
Never get my hopes up.
Then I'd never be disappointed.
Who am I?
Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.
I'm a human.
I've got feelings.
I do have times whereby I feel depressed
or I'm happy.
I will also cry,smile or laugh.
I'm envious of those who have high EQ.
When will I be able to learn how to
control my emotions well?
In a sense that my mood would never
be affected by any incidents.

Dizziness

There was a serious traffic congestion
in this morning.
Never experienced this kind of situation before.
Fortunately I was still able to reach at 9am prompt.
I was feeling dizzy when staying in the cramped lab.
The air-conditioner was broken down
since last week.
I found that even the one who's detested by most people
treated me well when I was going to faint.
She even pulled a chair for me.
People used to describe me as fragile.
Am I?
I only know that I'm quite weak.
Aha..There're lots of upcoming assignments,
reports and tests.
I'll be having 2 tests on this Friday.
I doubt if I'm able to finish the whole topic
which has about 200 slides.
I'm whacked
but this kind of life will carry on until CNY.
Last Saturday I went for shopping again.
Seriously I have to refrain from buying clothes.
Each time I buy a new one,
I give the other shirts that I bought earlier
to my mother.
In the end I keep 3 dresses that I like the most
for myself.
This time round what I bought is a dictionary!
As I mentioned, I'm really going to read up
the whole dictionary
which's what I wanted to do since 2 years ago.
Each time I'm only free to learn about
new vocabulary during semester holidays.
Usually people spend their time working part-time.
It's different to what I'd do,
to a person like me who never had any working experience.
Anyway this dictionary is just half of the thickness
compared to the thickest Oxford dictionary.
I bought it because I'd like to bring it to S'pore.
Although I'm very busy, I'll try my best
to study bit by bit every day.
I'd like to treat those who I truly care about nicely.
It should be out of my genuine interest.
If not, how to justify it?
I'm too tired to give it any more consideration.

Silence

Each time when you say 'thanks', 'yeah', 'you are welcome',etc.
How serious are you when you blurt out these words?
To me, sometimes they're just perfunctory remarks.
Some words that I'll just say without second thoughts.
But when it's directed at the people who I truly care about,
surely it comes from the bottom of my heart.
Never doubt that.
Anyway I believe it's easy to distinguish the moments that
I express them sincerely from those that I don't.
Hmm..Not saying that I'm not sincere.
Just that they're passing remarks?
I don't speak
but my silence doesn't mean I'm ignorant or unawared
of what's going on.
Although sometimes people just blurt out unintentionally,
it seriously can affect my emotion.
I used to think that I'm one who can express my feelings well.
But as time flies,
I realise I'm not.
I remain silent if I can't express it in words.
Well, this happens sometimes.
A lot of indescribable feelings
that I couldn't even explain it myself.
People either just think I'm always so quiet
or I'm not good in language?
I guess that's what they think of me.
Frankly, I hope someday there'll be someone
who's willing to find out what I'm thinking.
At least help me unravel it.
I failed to score A for communication module
by 0.4 mark.
Is it that surprising if I'm good in written language?
It's likely that people's jaw will drop.
I started learning on my own since Form 4.
In the past I had changed quite a few tuiton centres
in order to learn it well.
Because the teaching materials were kinda too easy.
Who's to blame?
But that's my homeland.
I read and read a lot of essays and novels.
Dictionary was the one who accompanying me
most of the time.
I'd still like to discover more about language.
But I'm preoccupied with my work.
Again, I didn't sleep well.
When'll I be able to take my lovely sleep?

Busy Life

It's been four days
that I didn't update my blog.
There were long breaks on Monday and yesterday.
I chose to spend more on the bus fares
and go home.
So what was I doing during the break?
I wasn't taking my lovely nap
although I really didn't have enough sleep these days.
I was busy looking up for information from the internet.
Not only two assignments due on the end of this month.
There're upcoming reports as well.
At least three reports I guess.
Most of my modules are non-exam based.
So I have lots of work to do in this month
before CNY.
What a hectic pace of my current life.

I had completed my CIP on Tuesday.
Volunteering myself as a loan promoter
in Central Lending Library.
I encountered a young guy.
He's just 18.
Same as as my brother.
A tall and lanky guy.
Seriously he doesn't look like China people.
From his way of speaking.
It seems his accent has been 'localized'.
No difference from Singaporeans.
He looks very decent.
I guess he's a good-natured and hardworking guy.
I conversed with him in English
It was VERY boring because we just stood there
and most of the time did nothing.
Our job was to inform the library users about
the extended period of renewal of books.
I guess I can always talk more to those
who're foreigners as well.
Or those who're sorta related to M'sia
or know a bit about my homeland.
He came to S'pore since he was studying
Primary 4.
So we shared our own experience 
of living and studying here.
At least with his company
I spent my time better.
In a sense that I wasn't really wasting my time.

Alright, I have French class later.
Need to put a stop here.
I shall continue my blog tonight or tomorrow morning.
I hope I really have the perseverance and determination
to write my blog.
Because I found that I tend to ignore it
when I'm really busy with my work.

How Elated I am

I went shopping again.
The dress and shoes that I wore was
supposed to be for wearing during CNY.
I really love the shoes and necklace that I just bought.
They're awfully nice!
This time round I bought a pair of
shorts and tights as well as a bag.
My mum asked me not to buy 
clothes anymore.
As a matter of fact,
I've started to bring some clothes to S'pore.
Those that I only wore once in the previous CNYs.


There was a display of rabbits.
I saw a brown rabbit.
It was really large in size!
Look at their fur..
no wonder each rabbit costs at least RM68.

Titleless

Yesterday I learnt something from
my housemate.
This's my first time hearing people
agree to being icy cold.
Everything is good but there'll be
negative effect if it exceeds
the moderate level.
That's what he said.
I think it's quite true.
Anyway I appreciated his concern for me.
Between, it's really rare that
people think I'm cute.

The drama 'Breakout' has come to the end.
Unexpectedly,
Situ Dongcheng was willing to die together
with Nianqing.
I suppose Jieming didn't die from gunshot.
At least Tang Ying wasn't alone.
Zhenfeng was really ruthless.
The rascals all died in the end.
I guess I can start watching the Korean
drama introduced by my classmate.
It's called 'My girlfriend is a Gumiho'.
I've just downloaded Fish Leong's new songs.
Saw from Fb that my former classmate likes
one of her songs.
Then only I realised her latest album
has been released.

NLB approved my participation as volunteer
on next Tuesday.
I won't be having any lesson on that day.
It's just that I'd like to complete my CIP.
Fortunately 10 hours isn't necessary.
Once I get the proof from NLB,
I won't be haunting by it anymore.

A Big Sigh

I can heave a big sigh now.
French test is over.
I didn't harbour any hopes
in the first place.
Or maybe I should put it in this way..
I don't harbour any hopes for studies.
It was really tough to grasp the content
from the conversations.
My tutor has just marked the papers
for listening component.
My score is just average.
The paper for reading component was easier.
And for another module?
Maintained at the moderate score.
I don't like to memorise the answers blindly.
And apparently the memory space for my brain
is getting lesser and lesser.
I found that I'm unable to memorise things that much
compared to the past.
My grades are dropping.
Sigh..I never intend to use the results
as the focus of my blog.
But this was what happened to my day.
I'd like to download more new songs.
I've listened to the 36 English songs
that I copied from my younger sister
for countless times.
I like most of the songs.
Only deleted two of them for the time being.
Music plays such an important role in my life.
It's to keep me awake when studying.
Or else I really will doze off.
Undoubtedly.
Usually Windows Media Player is always on
each time I use laptop.
See, I've really changed a lot.
My attitude towards life and studies.
And I'm waiting to see if my character will change.
I'm more interested in learning vocabularies of English.
Wonder if Linguistics will be more suitable for me.
You know,
I actually went to read dictionary during my term break.
But I had to study for French.
So I was only able to read for about 50 pages maybe?
Randomly.
Anyway I don't really remember the words now.
But I don't like to read English idioms.
Tend to forget them because I only use them
occasionally in daily life.
All right,
I shall end it here.

Numbness

It was a chilly evening.
And now it's still raining incessantly.
The walking distance to reach the flat
is too long.
I thought it's better to speed up.
So I ran home.
Anyway my shoes still got wet.
Luckily tomorrow got no practical.
But I need to help out for TP Open House.
Too bad that I need to be in school by 11am.

Looking at the marks that I scored for term test,
what you can sensed from me was
probably numbness.
Unlike my Indian friend,
it didn't upset me.
Anyway she still scored better than me as usual.
I actually failed one of the tests.
I've changed so much.
My attitude towards studies probably
has the greatest changes.
Anyway I'm always not good at answering any
questions pertaining to Physics and Maths.
I guess my brain just couldn't function
anymore further.
I'm still so half-hearted.
How?
But I did try my best.
Perhaps I really should change the study path.

A Blog Written in the Dim Light

Dim light?
The lamp got some problem.
Somewhere is spoilt.
I don't know about the electronics.
I guess it can only be repaired by tonight.
And it's still early morning.
The sunlight is not strong enough
to shine into this room.
I realised I'm frightened of the total darkness.
To most of the people,
I guess sleeping is much more natural
than anything else.
But to me,
sleeping is much more like a task.
Every night,
I have to try not to use my brain anymore further.
Not to recall the happenings of the day.
I need to keep persuading myself to fall asleep.
I'm a light sleeper.
And last night I was awaken for four times==
Either my sleep got disrupted by the noise or
I just awoke naturally.
I DIDN'T SLEEP WELL.
Sigh..
I doubt if I'm able to write an essay in Mandarin now.
It seems unlikely.
I rarely type in Chinese on Fb,MSN or in SMS.
Only when I send messages to my family members.
It's been quite a few years.
My speed will be a lot more slower if typing in Chinese.
I do read Chinese newspapers or romance novels.
My ability remains at secondary school level.
But in reality, it has been deteriorated.
I started to forget about many idioms and proverbs.
It's inevitable to insert some English words
when speaking in Mandarin.
Either I have to accommodate people
or I'm unable to translate it into Chinese.
But in fact, I'm not used to speak in two languages
at the same time.
It's more like tongue twisters to me.
I tend to hesitate for a few seconds
before answering in English.
I guess I'm still faster at answering in Mandarin.
It's the worst for Malay language.
I can no longer speak properly in Malay.
In M'sia, I only used Malay language
when talking to a Malay.
But now, the language that I use more frequently
is English.
Each time going back to M'sia,
the thing that I pray for is
I won't come across a Malay.
I really can't recall the Malay words
that I had ever learnt.
I'm envious of the translators.
It's difficult to manage two languages or more well.
I was grown in a trilingual environment.
Yet right now I can only deal with
one language.
For French?
I have no regrets for choosing French as my electives.
It's really tough.
No doubt about that.
And it'll pull down my GPA.
That's for sure.
Honestly speaking,
I don't know how to sit for the test this week.
I can hardly catch the words from a French dialogue.
I hope at least I can score a B for this module.

This is me

The first day of schooling started off
with practical session at 9am.
Aha..I was so much not used to get up so early.
Though I only lay on my bed late until 9am
the most when I'm in Kulai.
Luckily Tuesday is always a leisure day
for me.
Reached home at 12.45pm..
Cooked 'mian fen kueh'..
Watched 'Breakout'..
Took a shower..
Did laundry..
And now writing blog instead of doing assignment.

The waiting time in lab was long.
My classmates were chatting to while away their time.
The lab was full of laughter.
I suppose the most exciting part was about
bite marks or kiss marks left by a girlfriend.
Anyway I know nothing about all these.
Haha!
Again, I was playing the role as a listener.
I don't talk much in the class.
I think it's not just the problem on common topics.
Though this's the main reason.
Sometimes I don't feel like talking either.
I started to think which role I can play better.
Listener?
So-so..
I keep no secrets.
I'll choose to confide in someone when I feel down.
But it's only if I have a right friend or
family member to talk to.
Plus my mood is written all over my face.
As for this,my family knows better.
Usually nobody dares provoke me
when I'm in a bad mood.
I say I have not much patience?
I can't guarantee that I won't blow up
if it reaches my limit.
Haha..
If I don't want to talk,
nobody can get an answer from me
no matter what question or how urgent it's.
This's me.
My attitude about life might have
started to change.
But I wonder if my character will have
much changes.
I hope someday I can find someone
who understands me better than I do.
Because I don't even know who I'm.

The Day before Going Back to School

Sigh..Time to come back to S'pore.
Today got no school
which is a good news to me.
The journey was smooth.
Only that the waiting time for bus 950
was really long.
And the weather..
luckily the rain was going to stop
when I walked home.
I'm whacked now.
A bit surprised when I saw there's
a follower of my blog.
And a friend of mine seems keeping track
of my blog quite often.
I suppose I'll have more things to write about
after school reopens.

I'm still wondering who I'm.
I think I'm icy cold
but it's different when it comes to
those that I truly care about.
In fact it can be sensed easily.
The simplest way is from the length of sentence.
I'll only write more when I talk to certain people.
It's not hard to find that my tone is
much more colder when I speak to
those that I'm not close with.
Or there are also moments when my tone becomes
colder all of a sudden.
This's also my definition of 'icy cold'.
I don't really feel that being cold is not a good thing.
Anyway it's just that I'd like to be alone.
And I'm lazy to speak a word or two.

To me,
whoever did help me before
I'll keep their kindness in my heart.
What I can do to repay them might be insignificant.
But I'll be delighted
when my offer of help can actually be useful.

I hope my mind won't be in a turmoil
when my lesson is officially started.
What I meant is I wish I can still be so optimistic
because I might encounter more problems
during school days.
And I wish that the people that I care about
will stay happy all the time.

First Day of Year 2011

The date for today is 01.01.2011.
It's the start of a new year.
Anyway when people were counting down,
I was sound asleep.
Haha!
I didn't much feelings about New Year.
The festival that I'm looking forward to
is Chinese New Year.
I love to hear the sounds of fireworks
and firecrackers.
But it is only when there's an upcoming festival.
Otherwise I'll consider it as noise.
I love to see a grand occasion.
To me, I think CNY is more joyous compared
to the others.
Not only because I'm a Chinese.
In real life you can truly sense how grand it's
just from the sparkling sky.
Though I don't approve to the expenses needed
for buying fireworks and firecrackers.

I used to tell myself that I'll ask my partner 
about the definition of love
one day when I found a right one.
I expect I'll obtain a satisfying answer
from him when the day comes.
Because I don't know about love
though I'll experience it myself in future.
But I hope by that time
he and me will have similar answers.
I'd like to seek this out.

I'm not used to make wishes for a new year
on the first day of year 2011.
Never mind.
I shall leave it until CNY 2011=)